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FATHERLESS AMERICA #5
LITTLE LARRY AND HIS FOUR DADS
A 1994 television movie entitled Thicker Than Blood serves as a pretty
good description of what fatherhood in America has evolved into. Pay close
attention, because this is one complicated story.
There's a mother named Diane, who has two children, but the two children
are living with their father and his new wife. Now she has a third child,
a son, and she names him Larry, Junior, after Larry, her live-in boyfriend.
But then she and Larry break up. Larry takes the little boy with him out
to California. Are you with me so far? All right, now let's continue.
Meanwhile, Diane gets married to a third man, and the two of them now
decide they'd like to get the little boy back . . . from Larry in California.
But Larry doesn't like the idea, and he hires a lawyer.
But we're just getting started. Larry had always ASSUMED that he was the
biological father, but as it turns out, he isn't. A FOURTH guy — his name
is Randy — is the actual father of this little boy. On the witness stand
during the custody hearing, Diane tells the judge that her son doesn't
have a "(quote) REAL father." Larry's lawyer sees the chance
to get off a good one-liner, and he pipes up: "Your Honor, one more
father around here and we'd have a bridge club."
Now, let's make a list. This little boy DOES have a biological father;
we think his name is Randy. Then there's the boyfriend-father; that's
Larry. There's also the would-be stepfather; that's Diane's current husband,
and thankfully, we don't know his name. If you want to count one more,
we even have a QUASI-stepfather; that would be Diane's FIRST husband,
who has the two half-siblings from the first marriage. Four would-be fathers;
you can take your pick.
As the movie turns out, Larry, the former boyfriend, wins custody of the
little boy. The judge decides that he is the actual "(quote) psychological"
father. It's a happy, politically correct ending as the final credits
roll.
Well, friend, all this week Lonnie and I have been exploring the pain
caused by this issue of fatherlessness. Of course, the story we've described
here doesn't stem from too few fathers, but from a failure of commitment
. . . from a careless definition of fatherhood. But there are still two
sobering points that need to be made.
In this movie, it's little Larry, JUNIOR who suffers the most. He starts
out life with Mom and a boyfriend — a very common combination today. Then
he's dragged out to California with Larry, then back again, so that he
can be paraded into the courtroom as Exhibit A. A judge has to weigh the
variables: Dad #1, Dad #2, or Dad #3 . . . and it's little Larry who will
end up going where he's told to go. It's little Larry who doesn't really
belong anywhere.
A couple of days ago, Lonnie described for you a little girl who was dragged
back and forth as step-parents and attorneys decided who she belonged
to. By the time she had her third birthday, this tiny hostage had been
given three different names.
In too many MILLIONS of homes and apartment buildings today, our boys
and our girls are paying the price because of parents who often CHOOSE
to do what THEY want to do. Friend, I realize that those words are perhaps
an oversimplification — and certainly they can't apply to every situation.
But in David Blankenhorn's book, Fatherless America, this point is made
over and over: many homes are broken up because parents CHOSE to let them
break up. Too often, we're simply not willing to do the hard thing, to
make the difficult, wrenching decision that's in ANOTHER person's best
interest.
And that's really what takes us into that second point. For those who
are Christians — believers — we HAVE a blueprint that would erase Fatherless
America, turn it into 328 pages of scratch paper. Lonnie and I . . . we
know what it is. We've been told. If you're a born-again Christian listening
on this Friday, you know what it is too. God has told us; He's commanded
us to promise to our mates: "As long as we both shall LIVE."
Maybe it sounds kind of cold and unfeeling to observe that our marriage
vows didn't say: "As long as we both find it easy." "As
long as we're really in love." "As long as our financial picture
stays bright." "As long as I don't notice another pretty face
at the office." I know that for many of you listening, unbelievably
hard circumstances have come along for you. You've had trials that Lonnie
and I know nothing about. And yet, friend, we DO have God's masterplan
in this area of life: a husband and a wife, a dad and a mom, staying together
under one roof, providing for the children that come along. A partnership
that lasts for always.
Will you let me borrow a runner's illustration for a moment? We have some
marathoners and 10K enthusiasts on our staff here at The Voice of Prophecy.
And during a tough 26-mile run, if a runner permits his mind to even consider
the POSSIBILITY of WALKING instead of running, it's going to happen. When
you say to yourself, "If it gets bad I can always walk instead"
. . . then you DO walk. Allowing in your mind for even that possibility
— makes it happen. Even worse is if you say to yourself, "If it hurts
enough, I'm permitted to QUIT. I can just walk off the course." Runners
who think that way . . . that's exactly what they do. They quit, because
they told themselves that was always an option.
Let me open my heart to you for a moment. Here at this radio ministry,
we want to always be redemptive and forgiving and loving in our approach
to each other and to you. Whatever your PAST has been, God loves you.
WE love you and HE loves you. He has a plan for you that begins with this
Friday and looks to the future. If you're divorced, a single mom, a single
dad, or perhaps a teenager or kid living in a home with one parent or
a stepparent, God's plan for you begins with today and takes you into
a new future that holds tremendous promise. I believe that with all my
heart.
But if you're listening today, and right now you're IN a hard marriage,
a difficult parenting situation, then I want to encourage you with some
straightforward words. STAY WITH IT! That's God's plan for you. Stay with
it! Draw strength from every possible source; seek help for any difficulties
you may be experiencing. Let us help you if we possibly can. But ask God
to give you the willingness to endure hardship if necessary, for the sake
of your children. And for the sake of obedience to God's Word.
We've been saying all week that one of America's great problems isn't
just fatherlessness, but the fact that we don't seem to even BELIEVE in
fatherHOOD anymore. We don't lift up staying-together marriages as the
ideal. We have sitcoms on television and Hollywood movies that tell us
dumping Dad out the window is maybe the way to go.
Well, right here on this very Friday, we want to raise our flag and declare
our vote. Lonnie Melashenko and Yours Truly, Ken Richards . . . we're
saying it loud and clear today: We believe in fatherhood! We believe in
dads STAYING in their homes, STAYING in their marriages, STAYING as a
real, live, breathing, loving presence in the lives of their sons and
their daughters.
Here at The Voice of Prophecy we believe in the biblical mandates regarding
marriage and divorce. In that confusing soap-opera TV-movie story I told
at the beginning, there was a mother who wasn't obedient to God. She was
married to two men and went up to the bedroom with two other men. And
her disobedience to God's Word caused terrible problems for her children.
But friend, here's one more point. We believe that the ten words you can
read in the book of Philippians chapter four and the 13th verse are still
true today. Here they are:
"I can do all things through Christ who
strengthens me."
Mr. Blankenhorn's book relates some difficult stories;
there's no doubt about that. But no experience so hard, so impossible
that it was beyond the power of God.
On Wednesday, Lonnie read to you over the air the suggested Fatherhood
Pledge that David Blankenhorn recommends for every man in America. He
called on people to promote that pledge, that concept. Well, today we're
doing just that. We believe in this pledge: that every kid deserves a
dad, that marriage is important, and that this country needs MORE fathers.
We want our support for that pledge to be on the record and duly noted.
Blankenhorn talks about Fathers' Clubs, where in local communities dads
join together to encourage each other, to draw strength from each other.
What a marvelous idea; here at The Voice of Prophecy we support that too.
In 1991 a group of Indianapolis men formed an organization called Security
Dads, men who attended local ballgames, dances, and other teen events.
One dad described later how beautifully it worked:
"What works is the father image so we don't
need to say very much. Just being there is what counts. With an officer,
they [the kids] think, `Hey, I must be in trouble.' With us, they smile
and say, `Hey, what's up?' And we love it."
In Omaha, at the Pilgrim Baptist Church, 18 African-American men formed
a new group called MAD DADS. That's Men Against Destruction — Defending
Against Drugs and Social Disorder. They paint over graffiti and challenge
drug dealers and gang members to get out of town. So far they have an
army of 800 men spanning race and class; it's a rainbow army that now
has local chapters in eight states.
The author of this challenging book, Fatherless America, goes on to list
what he thinks Congress should do, how the President should use his bully
pulpit and his legislative influence to make America a more family-friendly
country, with the right tax policies and urban strategies. We support
those concepts, and I certainly invite you to buy a copy of David Blankenhorn's
book, Fatherless America, and prayerfully study it for yourself. It's
published by Basic Books, with HarperCollins, and it IS a tour de force,
as we say.
But in the end, friend, it all comes down to us. I've got my kids and
my grandkids, and I've got to do my job. Our writer, David Smith, has
his two daughters, Kami and Karli. No one can step in and do the job that
he's trying to do. The writer of our Sunday program, John McLarty, has
three grade-school kids and a lot of responsibility there. Wherever you
are listening today, I know you've got your hands full as well. But we
have a mighty Savior and a mighty God, don't we? And we're so thankful
for the promise of His grace and His power.
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