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WHAT TO DO ABOUT LOVING HATRED #3
TANTRUMS AND TUMMY-ACHES
Stories like the one I'm about to tell come along every now and then,
and this one which was published in a now-defunct Christian journal, unfortunately
recycles itself fairly often. A Texas mom-and-pop-type company was doing
quite well, creating and manufacturing religious pamphlets and other paraphernalia
for church-based groups to use. They had toll-free lines, a good sales
staff, and had grown to the point of having about 50 people on board.
Now, again, this goes back quite a few years, but a problem slowly began
to manifest itself within the organization. Harmony had always been the
watchword there; people got along well and enjoyed the Christian atmosphere.
But for some reason, one of the two VPs began to slowly pull away from
the core group in a number of ways.
The first thing might have almost gone unnoticed, really. But he arranged
a job there for his sister. Normally the personnel department posted openings,
and regular employees got first shot at upgrading their positions. But
without any paperwork, this transplanted woman from Minnesota was suddenly
there at a desk. Bill had just pulled strings and made an opening for
her.
Less than a year later, she got a raise. Six months after that, another
one. What made it even more difficult to swallow was that Moneta was habitually
tardy. Others came in at 7:30; she would often show up at ten or even
not until after lunch. And it seemed to be a family characteristic, because
right after the Christmas break, Bill, the VP, seemed to have inherited
the same no-show tendencies as his older sister. Whole days would go by
where he simply wouldn't darken the door at all.
And soon there was a bit of a rumble around the coffee machine about it.
"They check OUR time cards big-time both in and out but Moneta
comes and goes as she pleases." Unfortunately, with her two raises,
Older Sister got into the habit of passing things off to one of the clerks
to do a fair number of her own assignments. He was a fresh-faced kid,
just out of college and eager to make a good impression, so for a while
he stayed late and covered some of her reports, hoping that this Bill
character would notice. But it got to be more and more taken for granted,
and the whispering continued.
The other vice president, a man near retirement, was taking a strictly
hands-off attitude. "I can't get into it," he would say stiffly
any time an employee found the courage to complain. "As long as the
work gets done."
Well, friend, I think you can see where Proverbs 24:19, and 20 soon
got to be theme texts for this beleaguered corporation.
"Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of the wicked, for
the evil man has no future hope, and the lamp of the wicked will be snuffed
out."
Now, maybe the word "evil" is too strong to use here. But
as this story was later reported, the effect on corporate morale WAS evil.
People were bothered by the double standard, and it didn't take long before
the whispering turned into full-throated grumbling. And as we've been
using as our series title, WHAT TO DO ABOUT LOVING HATRED, there were
those who actually enjoyed it when this errant vice president helped himself
to another perk or arranged another first-class upgrade for himself when
he flew out to the west coast. "That just proves what we've been
saying," the shipping clerks would buzz, nudging one another with
an elbow as they passed along the latest bad-news headline. It was almost
a cheerful kind of fretting, as their negative opinions were confirmed
time and time again.
But what's the problem with this kind of ongoing resentment, this negative
office squabbling? Obviously the Bible instructs us to stay away from
anger, to NOT harbor hatred and feelings of ill-will. We mentioned the
other day the well-known verse in Ephesians where Paul warns about the
wrong kind of anger, the kind that lasts and degenerates into sin.
"In your anger do not sin," he says.
But the rest of the verse adds this:
"Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not
give the devil a foothold."
And see, at this particular place of work, these people were going to
bed mad, and getting up the next morning equally frustrated. They had
road rage even before they pulled out of their own garages each day. Did
the devil gain the promised foothold out of it all? Without a doubt!
Think with me for a moment about some of the other kinds of sin the enemy
can trip us up with as he STARTS OUT with anger. Isn't it true that much
of our resentment of another person has to do with pride especially
wounded pride? This older sister waltzed in and landed a job she didn't
deserve, a job that wasn't posted. Others in the company thought THEY
had a shot at the position. THEY were more qualified, they thought. And
so pride was hurt. This VP and his relative got breaks the others didn't,
and egos took a hit as a result.
Here's another Sin Sequel that usually follows resentment: dissatisfaction
with your own role or place. So often in the New Testament the Bible speaks
to Christians about how every person is needed; each person in the Body
of Christ has a valued position to fill. First Corinthians 12 is explicit
in teaching this. But in their anger, people who are seething with jealousy
sometimes come to loathe their own status . . . as someone else seems
to illegitimately get more than their share.
Then, of course, our anger often causes us to loosen our grip on our faith
relationship with Jesus. Is our God able to eventually right all wrongs?
Well, yes, we think so . . . but why in the world doesn't He do so? This
mess just keeps on; the politics gets worse and worse, and we don't see
God acting. True, that verse in Proverbs seems to assert that "(quote)
the evil man has no future hope, and the lamp of the wicked will be snuffed
out." But when? Right now Vice President Bob is skiing in the Alps
while you're still out on the shipping dock putting in unpaid overtime.
That person you hate seems to have a lamp that just shines brighter and
brighter, fueled by all of their illegal frequent-flier miles, and God
doesn't appear ready to snuff out their good times any time soon.
On a lighter note although maybe not THAT light it's even true that
the dilemma, the sin, of ongoing anger even leads to trampling on the
Third Commandment. That's right. Griping and groaning can lead to cursing
and swearing; it certainly did in the ladies' room of this Texas company.
Good Christians, struggling as they did with this continuing soap opera
of unfair labor practices, got saltier and saltier in their expressions
about it all.
And of course, the sin problem is just part of it. When we continue in
a pattern of anger, of constant fondling of our hurts, we actually pay
a physical price. In his fascinating book, The Ten Challenges, Dr. Leonard
Felder, a trained clinical psychiatrist, relates resentment to the Sixth
Commandment, which we might think is just about first-degree homicide.
He suggests, though, that heaven is also warning us of the dangers of
lasting anger. . . which, of course, Jesus Himself speaks of.
Then Felder goes right to the psychiatrist's couch, and reveals five results
of harboring this kind of trauma. Listen:
**An ongoing problem with food, drugs, or alcohol that serves the purpose
of numbing the lingering pain you carry inside.
**A sense of holding back or being unable to relax in certain situations
that remind you of the painful incident from the past.
**A deadening of your spirit, such that you sometimes can't feel joy,
experience intimacy, or cry appropriate tears because of the psychological
numbing inside you.
**Skin problems, stomach irritations, and other stress-related symptoms
that may be due to the traumatic incidents from your past.
**A tendency to want to punish or put up a wall toward your children,
your romantic partner, or your co-workers if they push you or act disrespectfully
toward you in a manner that retriggers your hidden pain.
That's quite a list, isn't it? And certainly the same enemy, Satan, who
loves to trap us in the sin of anger, and then spin his other webs, ALSO
is pleased when we hurt physically and spiritually from living in ongoing
anger. He loves the walls that we end up building between us and our friends
and co-workers. It's a kind of warfare that he is endlessly building up,
escalating, shaping into the tallest possible tower.
And you know, there aren't easy answers. I remember an old film title:
Men Don't Leave. And in this company, this errant vice president had that
job. He wasn't going anywhere, and his big sister was parked right there
next to him. Workers either got along, or they got out. And those that
survived did so by simply immersing themselves in the promises of God.
They had to give this problem every week and every day, and even every
HOUR, to the heavenly Father who promises us that ALL injustices will
finally be fixed. They had to trust in an invisible Father that the lamps
of the selfish and the inappropriately powerful WOULD someday be snuffed
out.
And in a strong, quiet kind of way, that was actually forgiveness. Because
from a Christian perspective, friend, forgiveness does NOT say that a
person's deeds aren't wrong. Forgiveness doesn't say, "We're ignoring
this." Forgiveness doesn't say, "It doesn't matter." What
it DOES say is this: "I'm giving this problem, this ongoing problem,
over to my infinitely powerful God. These injustices, as they continue
in my face,' are now given over to Him."
Martin Luther King, Jr. once observed:
"Forgiveness is not just an occasional act: it is a permanent attitude."
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