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"BECAUSE I SAID SO!" #3

DISCIPLINING HUMPTY DUMPTY

We've been expecting quite a lot of protest e-mail from kids in the past 48 hours, preaching as we have from Ephesians 6:1-3, where it says:

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."

But you know, there certainly is another side to the shekel in this chapter authored by the apostle Paul, whose last name, some Greek experts agree, may have been Dobson. And after picking on the younger generation for these three hard verses, he turns it around and gives dads a hard time too. So here, as you've heard another Paul say before on the radio, is "the rest of the story." Verse 4:

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

In Eugene Peterson's recent paraphrase New Testament, entitled The Message, verse 4 reads this way:

"Fathers, don't exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master." You probably recall the great King James line: "Provoke not your children to wrath."

It's interesting that all throughout human history, moms and dads have had a hard time with discipline and training. How to get your children to obey . . . without driving them crazy and alienating them at the same time. A recent Internet document suggests that even the parents of famous children have struggled with this. Paul Revere's mother is reported to have once said:

"I don't care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!"

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary's mom was overheard saying:

"I don't mind your having a garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?"

Mona Lisa's parents:

"After all that money we spent on braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"

Even Humpty Dumpty's mother — and this is no yoke:

"Humpty, if I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit up on that wall. But would you listen to me? Nooooo."

Columbus' mom:

"I don't care what you've discovered, Chris. You still could have written!"

And here's what Batman's parents were heard lamenting over the Bat-phone:

"It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is going to be?"

Goldilock's mother:

"I've got a bill here for a busted chair from the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?"

Even Albert Einstein's mom is "relatively" frustrated:

"But, Al, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something?"

And you know, friend, it's even been suggested that mommies and daddies in the Bible — maybe living in Ephesus, maybe in the suburbs of Jerusalem — were tempted to bug their kids about stuff. Daniel's mom:

"Forget it. We can't afford to feed a lion as a pet."

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego's mom — just in case they were triplets:

"Get out of that fireplace right now. You boys know that's no place to play."

And my personal favorite Bible discipline story is where Samson's mother says to him:

"Will you put your father down if he promises not to spank you?"

Well, friend, I promise you we won't try to have this kind of fun more than about once a decade here on the Voice of Prophecy. Because when you get right down to it, the problem Paul is discussing here is no laughing matter. Already in verses 1-3 of Ephesians chapter 6, we discover a divine, cosmic purpose to the issue of parenting. Our kids are heaven's gifts to us; they didn't just fall out of a tree or evolve from apes. And those of us who are moms and dads — particularly in Christian homes — can look upon this job assignment as being ordained by heaven itself. "Divine appointments" is how one commentator put it, and friend, that's a selection more weighty than a Supreme Court nomination. Your child is to obey you "in the Lord," which means that your words of correction and influence and counsel and reprimand are to be considered as having heaven's backing. This is serious stuff. And we see here in verse 4 that the way we discipline is to set our sons and daughters walking in God's pathways, as we "bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." "In the nurture and admonition of the Lord" says the King James. How many of us can think of children who were driven AWAY from the road to heaven because an over-zealous parent drove them nuts with foolish and inconsistent rules?

We've gotten some wonderful soundbites all through this Ephesians series from Francis Foulkes' Tyndale New Testament Commentary. Here's his take on verse four:

"It is right for parents to demand obedience, but there must not be ‘capricious exercise of authority.'" That's actually a line borrowed from J. Armitage Robinson's book, St. Paul's Epistle to the Ephesians. Foulkes continues: "Discipline is essential in the home; but not unnecessary rules and regulations and endless petty correction by which children are ‘discouraged.'"

Colossians 3:21, also written by "Paul Dobson," warns us:
"Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged."

Those of you who are parents know full well that you CAN simply win confrontations based on sheer size and flow-chart authority. And yes, sometimes you have to use our radio series title, "Because I Said So!" — although Samson's dad very quickly had to find a Plan B when his pyromaniac son lit up all the wheat fields of the Philistines. But remember, we're supposed to be training our children "in the Lord," and God doesn't achieve His ends by force. The Adventist commentary for verse 4 makes that same point:

"This negative advice [provoke not]," they write, "is essential if the obedience required of the children is to rest on a MORAL basis. . . . The present low ebb of parental authority sometimes springs from unjust, irritating, or even brutal demands made by parents on children, particularly the unwanted ones." Ouch! "Too often children are considered as ‘disturbers of the peace' of the home, an annoyance. Another prolific cause of resentment among children is the capricious, inconsistent demands of some parents." And jot this one down:

"Even if outward obedience is gained by violent means, it is at the expense of honor and respect."

Let me return for a moment to that Tyndale study resource, because Francis Foulkes makes what I think is the key point for our Wednesday consideration. Listen to this:

"The nurture and admonition of the Lord," he writes, quoting from Paul, "is that which the Lord is able to bring into the life of a child if parents do their work of teaching and training IN the Word of the Lord. This is the highest duty of Christian parents. As [theologian R. W.] Dale puts it, ‘parents should care more for the loyalty of their children to Christ than for ANYTHING BESIDES, more for this than for their health, their intellectual vigor and brilliance, their material prosperity, their social position, their exemption from great sorrows and great misfortunes.'"

We mentioned Monday the marvelous "Gamma girls" in a recent Newsweek cover article. They make good grades. They get along with Mom and Dad. They're gearing up for college. They're happy, fulfilled high school kids who are all on the swim team and helping underprivileged children after school. Which is all wonderful. But are they developing loyalty to Christ? That's number one.

All the good parenting in the world is worth very little, friend, if your child doesn't grow up holding the hand of Jesus Christ. And having quoted quite a bit today from "Paul Dobson," let's not ignore the good counsel of his cousin, a more recent writer named James. Here's what Focus on the Family's founder writes in his book, Dr. Dobson Answers Your Questions About Raising Children:

"Leaders of the Catholic Church have been widely quoted as saying, ‘Give us a child until he is seven years old and we'll have him for life': their affirmation is usually correct, because permanent attitudes can be instilled during these seven vulnerable years. . . . Moses . . . wrote more than 4,000 years ago in the book of Deuteronomy: ‘You must teach them [the principles and commandments of God] to your children and talk about them when you are at home or out for a walk; at bedtime and the first thing in the morning. Tie them to your finger, wear them on your forehead, and write them on the doorposts of your house!'" Then Dobson concludes: "In other words, we can't instill these attitudes during a brief bedtime prayer or during formalized training sessions.

We must live them from morning to night. They should be reinforced during our casual conversation, being punctuated with illustrations, demonstrations, compliments, and chastisement. This teaching task is, I believe, the most important assignment God has given to parents."

Friend, I invite you today — whether you're a parent or not — to be so immersed in Jesus that it radiates out through your eyes and your hands and your hugs and your words on a 24/7 basis. Get the Bible in your head. We're honored to help with this radio program and our Discover Bible Course, which focuses on the broad themes of God's kingdom. Get into it. Embrace it. Love it. And then graciously take your children in your arms and let your little light shine.